Here is a great blog post by another therapist about marriage. It is a great take on winning and losing in marriage and what great marriages can be if we choose to lose most in the marriage (serve each other). Our American culture says to go after things we want, they should "serve" us. If our technology fails us, we throw it out and get a new model. We typically do the same with our cars. But Biblically speaking we are called to be servants to each other, to stick with each other in marriage even when our spouse isn't "doing" what we want and need. Mark 10 says, "43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Jesus is calling us to serve one another using His example. If we are demanding that our spouse serve us and meet all our expectations, marriage isn't going to work well! But if we aim to live in our marriage by serving, loving, encouraging, and supporting our spouse, we will be following in Christ's example. I encourage you to take a look at this post!